What Defines You?
- Regina L. Ross
- Oct 14, 2017
- 3 min read
Updated: May 13
Often when meeting someone for the first time, introductions follow a familiar pattern: a smile, a handshake, an exchange of names… and then the inevitable question:
“So, what do you do?”
There are countless versions of this question.
At a networking event, someone may ask about your title, company, or department.
On a flight, the person beside you may ask what line of work you’re in.
At social gatherings, people often try to place you into a category within moments of meeting you.
The underlying message is usually the same: we tend to define who people are by what they do.
While our careers and accomplishments certainly contribute to our identity, they were never meant to become the sole measure of our worth. The danger comes when our profession, title, income, achievements, or affiliations become the foundation upon which we build our entire sense of self.
Because titles can change.
Positions can end.
Organizations can move on.
Careers can shift unexpectedly.
If our identity is rooted only in those things, we can find ourselves feeling lost when these things shift.
I'm reminded of a client who made the courageous decision to leave a job that was sucking the life out of her and leaving her feeling dejected and depleted day after day. While the uncertainty of not having another position lined up caused an expected amount of stress, her primary source of anxiety stemmed from the fact that for the past 20 years, she had rooted her IDENTITY and VALUE in her career. As a result, she felt lost and less than whole without that job title / employer affiliation in which she placed so much stock.
Another client experienced something similar during his transition to retirement after leading an organization for 15 years. Though he was a gifted speaker, writer, and visionary leader, he feared those opportunities would disappear once he was no longer attached to the title or organization.
Together, we worked to rediscover who he was beyond the role and the organizational prestige.
Please catch this key point: Healthy identity is not dependent upon position.
I've had to learn this in my personal journey.
There was a season in my own life when my husband lovingly — but firmly — said to me:
“Honey, you are losing yourself in your job.”
He was right.
Somewhere along the way, I had allowed my work responsibilities and professional identity to consume too much of me. I had to intentionally step back, restore balance, and reconnect with the many dimensions of who I truly am.
I am more than my occupation.
More than my salary.
More than my education level.
More than my marital status.
More than the expectations people place upon me.
As I’ve continued doing the personal work of discovering and embracing my authentic identity, I came across a powerful book: The Supernatural Ways of Royalty: Discovering Your Rights and Privileges of Being a Son or Daughter of God by Kris Vallotton & Bill Johnson.
One passage especially resonated with me:
"Identity doesn’t come from education but from impartation. Proper identity comes from the impartation of our Heavenly Father. A ramification of this failure to discover true identity is that many people learn to derive their self-esteem from what they do. Once we realize who we are, our behavior changes because we always act out of our “self-understood” identity. It is vital that we all hear the name the Lord has given to us and that we allow that name to define our identities."
So let me properly introduce myself.
I am a devoted follower of Jesus.
A wife to Frank for more than 30 years.
A proud mother to Ivana and Joshua.
A wartime Army veteran.
A Sci-Fi buff and dedicated Trekkie.
A music lover and amateur singer.
A strategic HR leader and executive coach.
A ministry leader passionate about purpose and transformation.
A loyal friend, sister and daughter.
A lifelong learner.
A woman who has survived challenges, embraced growth, and continues becoming.
But those titles alone do not define me.
They are simply part of the story.
The truth is, every one of us is made up of layers: experiences, relationships, passions, gifts, convictions, scars, dreams, and purpose. Your occupation may describe how you earn a living, but it should never be the sole definition of your existence.
So I’ll leave you with this question:
Who are you… beyond what you do?
Because the answer to that question may reveal the parts of you that have been waiting to breathe again.
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