I was alone in my kitchen - no music playing in the background, no sound of chatter coming from family members - just me & my thoughts, when I was hit between the eyes with the awareness of A MAJOR LIMITING BELIEF!!! In that quiet space, God brought to my remembrance a circumstance that occurred during my early twenties. Despite being a fairly independent person, I asked for help after being taken advantage of by someone I trusted. My rare plea for help was met with rejection by those who were close to me, so I pushed my way through the pain to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.
Little did I know that the hurt I experienced during a time when I was very vulnerable has fueled my fierce independence and aversion to asking for help. This limiting belief quietly tucked away deep in my subconscious has hindered my ability to display vulnerability and solicit support from others in time of real need. It has manifested in me taking on way too much and working hard to prove that I can do it all by myself. This limiting belief has caused me to suffer in silence instead of allowing myself to trust that others would be willing to help me. This stinking thinking has resulted in me keeping people at arm’s length for fear of them seeing me in a vulnerable state. I can’t run the risk of letting them get too close and then have them reject me when they see me at a low point, right?
[These thoughts literally bring me to tears as I write this…]
I’ve been reading a lot of Brene’ Brown’s work. I’m currently listening to her audiobook entitled The Gifts of Imperfection and I can hear her telling me that in order to live wholeheartedly, I must learn to ask for help! In fact, perhaps it’s lessons from this book that unearthed an associated limiting belief while in the silence of my kitchen - “My value is determined by how much I help others - I must be the care-giver and problem-fixer!”. I had to re-read this excerpt from Brene’s book:
“One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on “going it alone.” Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into “those who offer help” and “those who need help.” The truth is that we are both.
I’ve learned so much about giving and receiving from the men and women who are engaged in Wholehearted living but nothing more important than this:
Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”
So I dried my tears, put on my coach hat and coached myself through this as if I were one of my clients. I actually used my 4 Steps to Breaking Limiting Beliefs exercise to IDENTIFY, EXAMINE, CHALLENGE & REFRAME this limiting belief. Although I’ve tackled several other limiting beliefs using this exercise before, this was by far the most difficult one for me to work through. After some time in reflection and prayer accompanied by more tears, I finally completed the exercise. Whew!
I include this 4 Steps to Breaking Limiting Beliefs exercise in my 6-week Fortify Your Foundation Group Coaching™ program and I typically offer it for $7 USD as a stand alone purchase.
Because of my recent experience of using this tool to break this major limiting belief, I want to get this resource in the hands of as many people as possible. Therefore, I lowered the item price to $1 USD for PayPal purchase. If you want the resource free of charge, simply email me at reginaross@walkonpurpose.com to request a complimentary copy.
Let me close my encouraging you to spend quiet time with your thoughts. Invite God to reveal to you anything that may be hindering you from being your best self and living “wholeheartedly” as Brene’ Brown puts it. I’m rooting for your success and would love to support you through your journey!
Regina Ross is a certified HR & Change Management Practitioner and ICF-credentialed Executive Coach whose mission is to help people discover and authentically express their God-given potential in a way that creates purpose, value & fulfillment. Contact Regina at ✉reginaross@walkonpurpose.com or www.walkonpurpose.com/contact.